Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize