Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
