Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
