Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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