I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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