Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
