omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
