I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
