My first STD was from a foam party
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
