I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
did i just pee glitter
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
