How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
