The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
