he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
