none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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