I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
