Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
