HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
