U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
