my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
