Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
