I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
