I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All the doctor said was why
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize