I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
