I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
