Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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