i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
