3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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