Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
