a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
