I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
