this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
