Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
