there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
