I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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