I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize