He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
