tonight lets celebrate not being married
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
