everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize