that's an acceptable place to lick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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