K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
