I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
MIDGETS
????
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
