How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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