Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
