he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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