You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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