i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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