Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
