All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
