I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
