Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
