There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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