I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
