I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
