saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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