I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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