She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
