He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize