You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
