We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
