I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
