I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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