my soul wont recognize me after tonight
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
