"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
