Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
