She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
