Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
