she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
