I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
