dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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