I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can you bring me the toilet please
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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