6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
